What Does Belonging Actually Look Like at Work?
Photo Credit: Lara Corviello via Unsplash
Belonging tends to grow out of the ordinary, unplanned moments, the ones nobody schedules, rather than the initiatives designed to produce it, and those are the moments people carry with them long after the initiative itself is forgotten.
Belonging is the sixth and final theme in our 2026 series on what’s shaping leadership this year. We’ve been thinking a lot about what belonging actually feels like at work: when it was present, when a leader failed to notice or value it and when belonging turned out to be more important than anyone realized at the time. Some of our HLG Writing Group put those experiences into words.
Leadership articles, books and podcasts sometimes give the impression that creating belonging in the workplace is something we can program into existence. We create initiatives, go on off-sites, do engagement surveys and team-building exercises, all of which can be valuable. But after 20 years of doing this work, when we ask people to tell us about a time when they truly felt they belonged, they rarely describe the big moments. They remember a funny thing that happened at work, a deep conversation with a colleague, or a team meeting held in someone’s backyard instead of a formal conference room.
Belonging often grows out of very ordinary moments that no one planned, but most seem to remember. They may seem insignificant at the time, but they help shape how people experience the culture of an organization, influencing how healthy and successful it can be. McKinsey’s research on organizational health backs this up, finding a strong relationship between healthy organizations and long-term financial performance.
Executive coach and facilitator George Brewster tells a wonderful story about one of these moments.
Dancing to My Own Song
As I think about belonging, I got a flashback to a HLG retreat we did a few years back now. It was outside of Seattle in sort of a remote retreat center tucked up close to Mount Si. We were there to learn together and get more connected to each other and the work. Everyone from our team was there except two people. So it was decided spontaneously that they would be represented by pumpkins set on chairs in our circle. (It was Halloween.) The pumpkins held space for their absence, but also acknowledged their presence.
That had an impact on me. Remembering those missing from our team, and knowing that I still belong even when I’ve missed meetings, was nice. The big moment for me was during a break. I had taken a walk by myself and was returning to the main room where most folks were.
I happened to be listening to music on my walk and a song I love came on. I started dancing by myself in the sun on the deck, kind of in my own world, honestly. Unbeknownst to me, everyone was dancing inside and noticed me dancing outside, separate but connected. When I finally came in, the dancing continued. People complimented my dancing and asked me to join in.
I became known as a dancer, which is a huge part of who I am, but I don't often share that with people. The feeling of being seen for who I am, appreciated for it and encouraged to be more of it really sticks with me when it comes to belonging. I am freed up to be really me and bring that part of myself to the team.
There was no pressure to make it happen. It emerged. Equal parts me having the courage to show that part of myself, and the team noticing it, embracing it and me and making space for more of that to happen. Whenever I hear that song, I'm reminded of that moment of belonging. What’s fascinating to me is that folks never knew the song, because what they were listening to inside must have been close enough that, to them, I looked like I was dancing to their song with them, when in reality, I was dancing to my own song with them. To me, that is what belonging is all about.
— George Brewster
Interestingly, Wendy’s story begins with music, too, but with a different and equally powerful effect.
A Playlist From 2007
When I was an executive assistant at a creative company known for its playful culture, we were required to be in the office five days a week. Some team members had special circumstances that allowed them to work hybrid, but all team members were in office on Wednesdays. The office space was a large, brightly colored, open-air bullpen.
The CEO was the only one with a door. To keep with the brand vibe, the office always had music playing, and anyone could play what they wanted. There was a general consensus that the music couldn’t be aggressive or expletive, and had to be played at a reasonable volume, but otherwise, we had a wide range of artists and genres. Sometimes team members would pick songs that were totally out of left field, like 20 minutes of whale calls or B-side tracks from that one bluegrass band you’ve never heard of. But sometimes it would be Top 40 and more popular or recognizable songs. Sometimes we’d listen to a whole album straight through. When Taylor Swift’s Eras Tour was going on, we listened to the entire set list. When the office is open from 7:30 AM to 5:00 PM, there are a lot of hours to fill with music.
One day, I was tired of whatever we were listening to. We were stuck in a rut, and I wanted to shake it up a bit. I put on a playlist that was based on the year 2007 and featured throwbacks from the early aughts. Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend” was the first track. And from the first, “Hey, hey, you, you,” a few heads snapped up from my fellow millennials on the team.
“I remember seeing her in concert when I was 12,” one teammate said. “I had this whole album on my portable CD player, but it always used to skip in the middle of this song,” said another. Slowly, and around the bullpen, people started sharing their Avril Lavigne stories. We shared a discussion on whether the conspiracy theory about Avril was true, that she was replaced with a body double at some point in her career.
Eventually, the CEO came out of his office and asked what was going on. When we told him, he shared he wasn’t familiar with Avril’s music because he was an older man, which launched the entire team into explaining why she was pivotal for a whole generation.
What could have been dismissed as a distraction from work became an unexpected connection across generations.
— Wendy Eisemann
Making Room for Belonging
Sam shared that she noticed something unusual when she walked into her first offsite at Henley Leadership Group. She didn’t write about the strategic planning session. She wrote about walking into her CEO’s house, an unusual but cozy choice for a two-day strategic meeting.
“I walked into Carol’s house the first morning, greeted by a hug from both Carol and Shanon. Courtney was already cozy on the couch, Penny claiming one of the recliners immediately, and Fran finding herself criss-cross on the ground while Carol’s husband was in the kitchen making everyone coffee.”
She remembers how quickly the environment changed how she felt.
“There were flowers on the coffee table and breakfast snacks galore. It was different. I felt comfortable. I came to the day unsure and immediately felt at ease because of the environment.”
The details in these stories are actually quite ordinary: pumpkins placed on chairs, dancing on a deck, an Avril Lavigne playlist, coffee in someone’s kitchen. And yet these are the things that people remember.
During our Henley Leadership Group workshops and retreats, we’re always fascinated by what people say when we ask when they have experienced the greatest sense of belonging. Almost always, they talk about their families: around the dinner table, around a fire pit or on a camping trip. In each one, there was a sense of being known, accepted and included as a part of something.
Perhaps that’s why these stories resonate. In each one, there was room for people to be themselves and for others to notice and welcome what they saw.
Belonging isn’t something we can force into existence. But leaders can create the conditions where it is more likely to emerge. We can slow down enough to notice it when it does and resist dismissing those seemingly ordinary moments as distractions from the “real work.” Sometimes the real work is actually happening in those moments.
Leader Self-Refection
Think of a time when you felt a strong sense of belonging at work. What do you remember about it?
When have you felt outside of a group or uncertain of your place at work? What was happening?
How do you know when you belong?
What do you think leaders do, intentionally or unintentionally, that strengthens or weakens a sense of belonging at work?
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Leaders can create the conditions for belonging by building trust, getting to know people and paying attention to how they experience the workplace.
Belonging often develops through everyday interactions rather than formal programs: being invited into a conversation, having an idea embraced, being able to make a mistake without losing trust, or feeling free to bring more of who you are to work.
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Belonging at work can feel like being valued and accepted for who you are, not just for what you produce. It can mean feeling comfortable speaking up, admitting you don’t know something, making a mistake and being trusted to fix it, sharing something personal. Or simply being yourself without wondering whether doing so will change how others see you.
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A sense of belonging can influence whether people feel safe enough to contribute fully, take risks, speak honestly and stay in the conversation when things get hard. Leaders may not be able to force belonging into existence, but the way they notice and make room for everyday moments can strengthen or undermine it.
McKinsey’s deeper research on organizational health also shows a strong relationship between healthy organizational cultures and business performance. Those incredibly ordinary moments that can sometimes feel like a waste of time can be part of what builds a strong company culture. [Read the research.]
Belonging deepens in the moments when leaders notice if there’s a gap between what they intend and what others actually experience. That kind of awareness takes skill and practice, especially when things are challenging at work.
Helping leaders build that kind of awareness and presence of mind is part of our work at Henley Leadership Group.. If you would like to explore this further, We'd love to talk.