The Surprising Advantage of Leading With Your Whole Heart
Photo credit: Debby Hudson | Unsplash
When we talk about leadership, many people still imagine power at the center of the story: titles, authority, who gets included in the important conversations, decision rights, the ability to say yes or no, and perhaps the biggest of all, who controls the financial power and who benefits from it.
But there is another way of thinking about leadership that puts relationship, not power, at the center. Relational leadership is less about who holds authority and more about how leaders show up in connection with others.
Leaders who do this with sensitivity and skill make work more fun and rewarding, even when the hours are long and the problems many. Employees feel they have skin in the game and much more personally at stake. It opens the door to greater collaboration, where leaders don’t feel so alone, and brings more good minds to the table, offering new perspectives and the possibility of better solutions and outcomes.
Ultimately, it is about leading in a way that strengthens trust, invites participation and reduces fear and a scarcity mindset.
A Story About Jensen Huang by Alan Cahn
To me, “relational leadership” means leading through relationships that serve everyone involved, not through power or authority.
I was reminded of how powerful relational leadership can be when I heard a story recently about Jensen Huang, the CEO of Nvidia. He was speaking with a young CEO and chose to share not just his principles and commitments, but also his mistakes.
That struck me. In most hierarchical settings, fear is almost always present. Whether spoken or unspoken, people worry about disappointing their manager, losing credibility or being judged. Leaders often sense this and try to address it. But too often the response is to simply tell people, “You have nothing to be afraid of.”
I’ve watched this play out over the years, and I’ve rarely seen it work. Fear doesn’t go away just because someone in authority says it should. In fact, when a leader insists there’s nothing to fear, people may feel even less safe: their experience is dismissed, and they may worry about showing it.
That’s what makes Huang’s approach so different. He doesn’t just tell people not to fear, he demonstrates, through his own example, that mistakes are part of growth. By sharing his failures openly and publicly, he offers something far more powerful than reassurance. He offers vulnerability.
As I reflect on this, I think any act of vulnerability, large or small, in a relationship can be seen as relational leadership. Making it safe for people to be themselves is critical.
Vulnerability and Wholeheartedness
When a leader admits mistakes and shares what they’ve learned, it changes the atmosphere in the room. The message is not “don’t be afraid.” The message is “I’ve been there too.”
This shift matters. It reduces the invisible barrier between leader and team. It tells people that being human, imperfect and still learning, is not only tolerated but accepted. That kind of environment makes it safe for people to speak up, to try and to innovate.
At its best, relational leadership combines vulnerability with wholeheartedness. Vulnerability opens the door by showing honesty about limits and mistakes. Wholeheartedness is what sustains relationship, showing up fully present with humility, courage and genuine care for others.
Relational Leadership at HLG
At Henley Leadership Group, we see this dynamic play out in our own culture. Sam, reflecting on her two years with the team, described it this way: “What stands out is the way HLG approaches leadership. It’s an anomaly, unfortunately not the norm, but one I hope continues to spread.”
She pointed to small but powerful practices: pausing at the start of a meeting to settle in; taking responsibility instead of shifting blame; adjusting deadlines when burnout rears its head. And she remembered how, when Shanon finally took her long-delayed sabbatical, the team stretched to cover the work but never questioned the importance. Relational leadership made that possible, honoring a colleague’s needs while helping one another on the team through the disruption.
These everyday choices send a message: at Henley, relationships matter more than rigid adherence to hierarchy. And that message shapes how we show up for each other and our clients.
Everyday Acts of Relational Leadership
Relational leadership isn’t a technique to master or a checklist to follow. It’s a way of being in relationship, powerfully, with others. At its heart is wholeheartedness: the courage to be authentic, the humility to admit imperfection and the willingness to create safety by leaders doing the hard thing and going first. It shows up in everyday choices:
Owning mistakes candidly and publicly.
Listening without judgment when someone voices concern.
Asking for honest feedback, even from those with less authority.
Protecting boundaries and modeling balance.
Creating moments of levity, even in difficulty.
None of these require giving up authority. What they require is the humility to use authority in service of relationship, and the authenticity and discernment to do it well. Relational leadership doesn’t mean being a mess or confessing every mistake in public. Nor is it a technique where you pretend to care or only look like you’re listening. It asks more of us: to have the hard conversations, to be open to honest feedback, to say no when needed and to resist covering discomfort with misplaced humor, while still bringing levity in at the right time. At its best, it is the skill of good leadership, one that calls for intuition, sensitivity - and it takes practice.
Closing Thoughts
When we practice relational leadership, we give people something power alone cannot: the freedom to show up as themselves. Whether it is Jensen Huang admitting mistakes or our HLG team honoring a co-workers time off, the message is the same.
Fear doesn’t disappear because a leader tells us not to be afraid. It dissolves when leaders lead with courage, vulnerability and wholeheartedness, showing their humanness too.
That is the promise of relational leadership: connection over control, relationship over fear, wholeheartedness over power.
Relational leadership may feel like it requires extra attention and care up front. It does. But the long-term rewards, in trust, engagement, employee retention and the way people contribute, far outweigh the effort. It is an investment that can pay off for years to come.
Reflections for Leaders
If you’re a leader reflecting on relational leadership, here are a few prompts to consider:
Where does fear live in my team? What unspoken anxieties keep people from showing up fully?
How do I respond to mistakes? Do I model learning, or do I hide my own missteps?
When was the last time I admitted uncertainty? Wholeheartedness builds trust more than polished answers.
Do I make space for humanness? How do I respond when someone needs rest, flexibility or understanding?
What relationships am I strengthening, or straining, by how I use my authority?
Relational leadership begins in small, intentional acts. Every moment of honesty, every time you stop to connect, every choice to put relationship over power adds up to a culture where people can be themselves and do their best work.
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