Relational Leadership: What the Enneagram Teaches About Connection
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Leadership is, at its core, relational. It begins in the space between us; in how we listen, how we respond, how we hold one another’s humanity when things feel tender or uncertain.
It’s less a personality system and more a mirror. When we understand our patterns, we begin to notice the moments we close down and the moments we open back up. That noticing is where growth begins.
The Enneagram as a Way of Seeing
Rather than telling us who we are, the Enneagram helps us remember who we’ve always been, underneath the habits we learned to stay safe. Each of us moves through the world with certain strategies:
Some of us lean in to connect.
Some hold back to stay self-sufficient.
Others move forward to take charge or protect what feels fragile.
These aren’t wrong. They’re simply familiar.
Relational leadership asks us to become aware of these patterns so we can choose how we want to lead, from presence rather than habit.
How Your Type Shapes Relationship
When we look at leadership through a relational lens, every Enneagram type has a pattern that helps and a pattern that hinders.
Here are a few to notice:
Type One
You often connect through integrity and high standards. When you soften self-criticism, you make room for grace for yourself and others.
Type Two
Your care runs deep. True relationship begins when your giving comes from your true desire to connect, rather than your need to be needed. Or, when you allow others to help you!
Type Three
You shine in movement and momentum. Connection deepens when you let others see you beyond just your success.
Type Four
You feel life in high definition. Relationships grow when you stay with what’s real instead of what’s missing.
Type Five
You seek understanding. Connection happens when you share what’s alive in you, not only what you know.
Type Six
You create safety through preparation and loyalty. Trust expands when you believe that safety can exist even in uncertainty, and when you can practice trusting yourself.
Type Seven
You bring energy and optimism to situations. Relationship ripens when you allow stillness and stay with what is here now.
Type Eight
Your strength protects and empowers. When that strength is offered with tenderness, others feel truly safe with you.
Type Nine
You hold harmony with quiet wisdom. Connection blossoms when you voice what you need and take your place fully.
Relational Leadership in Practice
Relational leadership is about awareness. When we know what drives us, we can meet others with curiosity instead of defense. We begin to see that every pattern has both light and shadow.
The Enneagram helps leaders notice when fear or habit is running the show and return to choice. That is the heart of relational leadership: meeting each moment as it is, with presence and care.
Try This
At your next meeting, notice one moment when you feel yourself tightening. Pause. Take a slow breath.
Ask: What part of me is trying to protect something right now? What would connection look like instead?
Sometimes, the smallest shift in awareness creates the most meaningful change.
Continue the Work
To explore your Enneagram type more deeply, check out our Enneagram offerings or join us for Henley Live!