Holding Steady: Courageous Leadership
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Leadership requires attention to depth, to feelings, to inner struggles. A leader must wrestle with inward issues. They are expected to have great aspirations, confront great frustrations, achieve great self-control, suffer great betrayals and manifest great compassion. ― Peter Koestenbaum
There certainly is a lot to suffer about these days.
Being a leader in the world today requires a kind of resilience, courage and grit that most of us are still scrambling to develop in a fast-changing terrain. Courage isn’t just about bold action — it’s also about staying open-hearted when it would be easier to shut down, and standing steady in your values when everything around you feels deeply uncertain.
Leaders play a unique role in the midst of difficulty. People often turn to their leaders to learn how to be, what to do, what is upside down and right-side up.
Leaders who stay grounded in their values — and have the courage and skill to keep their mind and heart open — in the midst of uncertainty and suffering — offer the most to others.
The question is:
How can you, as a leader, be in the world with all its upheaval and suffering and still keep your heart open?
How can you hold your own suffering without shutting down, becoming guarded, or feeling overwhelmed by others’ pain?
This is a question we’ve explored for years in our work as executive coaches partnering with leaders.
We see firsthand the power of open-hearted leadership —how it cultivates loyalty, contributes to a healthy, happy work culture, and helps keep the good ones. Open-hearted leaders offer compassion, but don’t get swamped by negativity.
What we know for sure is that more people suffering does not alleviate suffering — it adds to it.
Being engulfed in the overwhelm or anxiety and suffering or spreading it to others —even unconsciously — is not the answer. But we can be more compassionate by keeping our heart open to the suffering around and within us. And that, too, takes self-awareness and courage.
Practice Self-Compassion
Psychologist and pioneer in self-compassion research Kristin Neff has a saying (mantra) that is powerful when put into practice whenever we tap into our own (or others’) suffering, no matter how great or small.
This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is a part of life. I can be kind to myself and others in this moment.
Simply acknowledging the moment, helps loosen its grip and we can get our feet back under us as leaders. It creates a tiny oasis where it is A-OK to suffer — and be kind to ourselves in the process. We don’t engage our harsh inner critic, who might say something like, “You don’t know anything about suffering! Look at what’s going on in the Sudan or Ukraine!”
It takes courage to resist that inner voice — to believe that your suffering matters, too, and that your humanity is not a weakness but a source of connection and strength. Besides, it is not helpful to take on all the world’s problems—they’re too vast and complex. And you can’t suffer for someone else. Some people might say, “I feel bad for you.” But that’s not really possible. You can’t feel someone else’s feelings — you can only feel your own. Of course, what you see or hear—on the news—might cause you to suffer. But that is an experience of compassion.
It’s you with your heart open.
It’s important to have this clarity so that you can be responsible for your feelings and not project them onto others. Instead, you can connect with your own moment of suffering.
Start Small
We can suffer no matter where we are, often internally warring against ourselves or others. Noticing this automaticity is the first step. Catch your thoughts—the arguments, the judgments, the resistance—that may be causing your own suffering.
See if you can drop the argument and soften into the breath …
the breath …
the breath.
If there is war raging in the far eastern region, start by ending the war with whoever or whatever you are raging against in your own life. Focus your breath and become an ambassador of peace right here. See how long you can keep your own suffering at bay before venturing out to carry the weight of the world’s suffering.
This is one of the central tasks of a leader – confronting great frustrations, achieving great self-control and manifesting great compassion.
In the end, courageous, open-hearted leadership is not about fixing the world’s pain but learning how to remain present to it —without shutting down. That presence is what people remember. That’s what starts to create real change.
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